One of the most important needs for a human is the desire to be understood. In trying to explain our emotions, we often assume the other person is interested in our story. When we encounter someone who is skilled in understanding other people, it feels like an aha moment… finally someone who gets it!
Every person wants to feel understood.
The question is whether you are able to provide the space for understanding to thrive or whether you will demand that your partner first attempts to understand you.
Avoid Reading People’s Words
When we communicate, we try to pay attention to what the person is saying. In our attempts to actively engage with them, we begin to read their words. Our analytical brain swings into action as we try to decipher what the other person is telling us in real-time.
And that’s where the trouble begins. The moment you try to read somebody else’s words, it is no longer your aim to understand them. Rather, you are trying to understand the situation from your perspective.
Understanding Thrives In Silent Moments
When are silent and giving your partner your full attention, there is a better chance for effective communication.
In the quiet moments when you are not talking over the other person, a few crucial elements start to fall into place…
You begin to really see the person you are talking with. Instead of trying to read them, you end up giving them your full attention. To help them feel understood, you also have to agree with their assessment of the situation at hand. Thank them for their candor and make them feel respected and appreciated.
Don’t then try to get them to understand your feelings. Jumping into defensive modes will break the trust between you.
Without any clarification or trying to defend yourself, let the other person know that you understand why they acted or said what they just did.
At the end of the day, nobody cares how good you are. They care how good you are for them.
Sheevaun Moran is a business advisor, master coach, quantum energy thought leader and the founder of Energetic Solutions. She uses business principles with energetic techniques to help more than 25,000 entrepreneurs, CEOs and leaders bring instant focus and shifts to clarity, purpose, and profits.
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